my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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