i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
