go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
