With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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