Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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