i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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