evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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