she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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