my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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