i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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