There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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