also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
