C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
