You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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