I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
