She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
