I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
