My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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