That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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