Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Please, let me fuck your mom
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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