Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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