I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
