Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
