I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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