So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Fuck appropriateness.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
