I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
