I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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