; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
