I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
