I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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