Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
