I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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