Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
