i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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