I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
