She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
