dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
