Please, let me fuck your mom
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
