So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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