You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
