so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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