i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
