I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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