What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
