we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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