She's JV to your varsity
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
