I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
