My room smells like vodka and shame
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
