As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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