the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sext me about skeletons
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Drunk is not a location!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
