I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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