Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
