I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
